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Boo Dee Doo

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[info]veeness
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she's intelligent
she's grounded
she radiates love
to say she's gloriously beautiful is an extreme understatement
everyone wants to be around her
to soak up some of that radiating love
she has many friends
   of course
the only thing she lacks is someone to love
though she doesn't realize that everyone loves her

and there's this someone, you see
and she loves this certain someone
and that certain someone loves her
   of course
and he can't stop thinking about her
every moment of every day she's in his head
he knows he can't get away

every little laugh line, he knows
every look she gives, he understands
with every touch, he longs for more

and she can sense him looking at her
she can feel his gaze
   from her hand to her ear to her hair when she pulls her hair back
   from her finger to her lips when she's deep in thought
there's a warmness to it

though they both feel a strong attraction 
and a very strong and surreal connection to one another
they both
do
nothing



and its more than likely that you misunderstood my point
unless you're super special
* * *
That sucked.
I don't wanna talk about this
But I guess I have to


This is why I don't watch movies like that
because they make me think even harder than I already am
And it hurts


I know there are despicable things going on in the world
It's like we've forgotten where we come from
and everyone's our enemy


Fuck this shit
I wanna go home.
* * *
It's me
I don't think I'm wired correctly
It's not flowing right
  you know, the thing that makes everyone happy etc.
It's not going to the right places
I think that's it

i can feel it
i can feel me trying to snap out of it:
  "hey! you can do this. crack a smile and push it back. the mind is a very powerful thing. you can do it"
but then i get the urge to pick up a knife and get my heart pumping
is it getting worse?
this isn't good.
* * *
Have you ever seen how much emotion is in one single tear?
I can see it
I can taste it
I can touch it
I can
feel it

How do i do this?
How did I do it to begin with?

I dont want to be this powerful
I dont want to
While youre having fun its great
But when youre not or something goes wrong
Youre trapped

i dont want to say any more
its not to be said
im to be forgotten.

* * *
You know......


I think I'd be one of those suicides
Where after it happens
People ask, "Where did that come from?"
And I'm gonna scream at them:
"DIDN'T YOU READ MY LIVEJOURNAL?!?!?!!!"


Just a thought
* * *
When does someone know they're a failure?
When they're told by their teachers?
    By their parents?
    By their significant other?
When do they know they've failed life?
How CAN you fail life really?
I don't know
I think it's more giving up than realizing you're a failure
And it sucks
I hate realizing things like that



People don't know me
They don't know me at all
And I'm searching
Searching for someone to understand and help
But it doesn't quite work the way I planned
I don't get it



I'm looking for something
But I don't know what I'm looking for
It's that empty feeling
In the pit of my stomach
The bottom of my heart
I long for something
But I don't know what
That's why I'm still looking
I'm still looking for something to catch me
  To help me
  To take me away from all of this
I don't know what to do
I don't know what to do
I can't help anyone
If I don't even KNOW what would help ME



I don't even know why I bother
* * *
(Disclaimer: I wrote this on one of my low days.  Don't get scared peeps.  I feel better.)




I need some nail clippers
The world is not what it seems to be
What do you want from me?
A resignation?
I'm close to giving you one

Help me
Help me find a way out
A way IN
I'm becoming desperate

I smile
I laugh
It's a programmable response
Like flipping a switch
It doesn't mean a thing

I want to cry
I want to SCREAM
I imagine it
I can see myself doing it
But nothing happens
Nothing comes out
I need something to wake me up
I need to go somewhere
I need to do SOMETHING

I need help
* * *
I've come to the conclusion that understanding is the best virtue
This is how I came up with that:
  Everyone goes through the same things
     they get sad, mad, happy
     they lose friends or family
     they get some sort of illness or disease
   You name it, we've all felt it
And people are ASSES to other people sometimes
  (here in "the real OC" it seems like its most of the times)
I think it's 'cause they dont UNDERSTAND that the person they're being mean to is feeling the SAME THING they are

I think everything would be better if people understood
I mean REALLY understood
Not just this blank "Oh, I understand"
But a REAL "Ahhhh" like epiphany-type thing

Think about it:
  If there was someone that cut you off on the freeway then sped off
  The immediate thought would be, "Asshole"
  Right?
  Well, what if the passenger of that car is a pregnant lady in labor?
  You'd think twice about calling the driver an asshole
  It's UNDERSTANDABLE to have a husband race to the hospital if his pregnant wife was about to have a baby
You see?

Now the trick would be to make people UNDERSTAND that they have to UNDERSTAND in order to make the world a better place
How do you do that?
Now THAT is the question.
* * *
Okay, so
I was feeling crappy
just cause I'm going into final-thinking mode
where I can't even function if I'm not doing something final-related
and I'm back home for the weekend
so I decided to make this my relaxing two days

I was still kinda feeling crappy
So my mom and I went to Long's
and we browsed the make-up aisle(s)
and I ended up getting like 4 things
Whatev. It's not that big a deal.
It's not like I'm going to look like Mimi from The Drew Carey Show
My peeps know me better than that
Oh, I also died my hair red
It's kinda a dark red
So, that's a change.
That made me feel a bit better also

I'm even more excited 'cause we're gonna go to the Irvine Spectrum
'cause that's the closest place Urban Outfitters is
and we're going there to get a bag

I really need a new bag
I don't like purses
except for a night out
But carrying a purse is way too girly for me
So I want a BAG
One of those big ones where I can pull out almost anything
like a sewing kit
or a candy bar
That would be sweet!

Anyway, I feel a bit better and I'll feel even better after school ends

P.S. While writing my last big RWS essay I came across this kick-ass quote
which I will write about later
I bet all y'all are just squirming in your seats

P.P.S. For the people that are thinking, "P.P.S? I thought it was P.S.S.":
what the fuck is post script script?

P.P.P.S. I'm going through an "etc." stage.  I say it for everything
It's kinda funny
Current Mood:
kinda tired/excitedness, etc.
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I think I've had it
People going out specifically to get drunk is stupid to me
Planning on getting drunk is stupid
Thinking that it's going to make your night better is stupid
    Granted, it sometimes does
         If you don't know how to loosen up
    But you don't want to make it a habit because
    If you do, you're not going to know how to have a good time
          without alcohol
I've had it
Alcohol shouldn't be something  you use to "complete" your life
It shouldn't be something you can't live without
    If it does, you have a problem

You don't need alcohol to have fun
    You just need your friends

You don't need alcohol to loosen up
    You just need your friends

You don't need alcohol be comfortable
    You just need your friends

You don't need alcohol to have sex
    
You just need to be comfortable with yourself
       NO SHORTCUTS (alcohol)
     You just need to have someone you trust
       NO SHORTCUTS (alcohol)
     You just need to have someone there that is going to
           respect you
           treat you well
           be considerate
           love you

There are no SHORTCUTS allowed in life
    You live it
    You're done
    It doesn't matter to anyone else how you did it
    But if you
        "just got through it"
        HALF-ASSED
        and
        stupid
    The question you need to ask yourself is:

         WHY?

             Why did you go through births and deaths
             Why did you go through heartbreaks and new love discoveries
             Why did you make friends
             Why did you make enemies
             Why did you go through school
             Why did you start working
             Why did you start a family
             Why did you bother to hate

             Why did you bother to love
            
             WHY DID YOU EVEN BOTHER?

         WHY?
            

Don't numb yourself to life
Don't waste it
Life provides some very good lessons
And if you're too fucked up
To see


why bother?

 
   
   
   

Current Mood:
annoyed annoyed
Current Music:
The Postal Service
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Today, if you didn't notice, was April 20th = 4.20
I didn't know they actually celebrate it FULL ON on campus. 
There were people not going to classes and smoking weed instead. 
At the cafeteria place on campus, almost everyone was high.
  It was hilarious.
  Walking around campus, there were people laying on the grass, chillin', or walking around kind of disoriented and giggling.
  I love my college experience.
Current Mood:
amused amused
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It's saddening to see
Once all-knowing friends
Now I don't even recognize her
It's scary
I'm afraid for her
I never went through what she's going through
So I don't know if it's just a phase or what
I don't know
It's scary
And it makes me sad
Current Location:
My room
Current Mood:
melancholy melancholy
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